MENTAL DINING

Selfishness

Greetings. My name is Chris and I'll be your blogger today (and most days actually). As this is my initial blog I thought I'd talk about a subject that is affecting me right this very minute and that is the topic of selfishness.


Just enough background to make this (and other posts) relevant, I am 48 yr old father of an 8 yr old boy and Uncle to my 11 yr old niece. In a week or two it will be their birthday (3 years and 4 days apart). Today, I thought I'd spend a little quality time with my son; Take him to a movie, maybe lunch or a new video game. Turns out, he wanted a new pair of shoes, some 'Rhino Tough' brand he saw on TV.


Guess what...I didn't have enough money for those. We bought movie tickets, got a snack at the theatre and bought him a new game for the X-Box. He enjoyed the movie and is looking forward to the game but when I asked how he enjoyed the movie, he said, "I don't want to talk to you because I wanted to get those shoes."


Now it's not as if he didn't want the movie and all the other things, he wanted those too. What he got out of our day together was not that we spent time together or had fun, what he got was I couldn't get him the shoes he wanted-as well as all the other stuff.


What bothers me most about this is I am afraid I made him this way. I am selfish too, at least I feel like I am. I want all my toys and doodads; Cell Phone, Laptop, latest PC Game, IPOD, etc... and I don't like to wait if I can help it.


I also like to bring gifts home for my son. If I am out for the day, or shopping at a store, I often see little things or books or a toy or something that I think he would like and often I get it for him.


My wife says I get him too much, I spoil him and I guess today it just sort of hit me between the eyes. I'd like to think that as my son grows older, he will remember me, my thoughts, life lessons I teach him, kindness that I show him. I hope he remembers laughing with me, building a snowman in winter, swimming. I'm just afraid that maybe (almost certainly sometimes) I don't do enough of those things and I do too much of the gifting things.

I'm also concerned that maybe it's not me that is the problem but maybe it is the way of the world. No one writes letters anymore because we don't want to 'wait' for snail mail. We have 150 channels on TV and 'Nothing good is on'.
Every website I visit offers free services and free subscriptions and then 'extra's' for only a little bit more-and we can easily use our credit card because everywhere accepts plastic.


Is that part of this problem too? Are we a world of selfish people who want what we want when we want it and we are not willing to wait or settle for less? I'm not certain I know the answer but I think it's a bit like the legal definition of obscenity..." I don't know what it is but I know it when I see it."


So, is my son already spoiled? Is it too late? Can I learn that I need to take a step back and stop being so selfish myself so that maybe I can teach him to appreciate life for more than just what gifts and toys it can get him? I hope so.


I realize that as a first entry into a Blog, this one isn't amazingly clever or deeply political or insightful into the mysteries of life...But maybe it's just a little insightful into the mysteries of being a good father. I think I need to study that mystery a little more. If you have any comments, feel free to leave them, I read (or I will read) every comment that's left.


Thanks for stopping by my little corner of the web and I'll look for you soon.

posted by Chris Cook-Sussan @ 7:26 PM